Really? I mean come on!

I have been TTC for years. As in many many, long tear filled years. I have watched friends, family, non-friends, random people, people from message boards have babies of their own. I have even watched many of these same people have their second and third child. All the while, I still have not been able to have a baby. When I did finally get that blessed BFP, I was over the moon. I was in love with my baby from the very second I knew she/he was inside me. But less then 2 weeks later, I was bleeding, and I lost my baby. I lost the very thing I had hoped,prayed dreamed for. I was broken. I'm still broken.

I got a call today from my mom. And at the end of the call she told me that one of my cousins was having another baby. I felt like I had been hit over the head. By something really hard and heavy. I want to be happy that my family is going to have a new little member. I really do. I just don't understand why it can not be me! So I need to rant, and be mad. Because the only other option is to be sad, and hate myself because I'm broken.


One day, God willing I'll have a baby, or I'll be okay with not having a baby. But today. is not that day.

Post number 1

My name is Alicia Johnson. I have 3 kids, 2 dogs, 5 cats and a wonderful husband. I'm 26 almost 27 years old, and I LOVE birthdays,but I'm NOT looking forward to turning 27, because that is just soo much closer to 30. I love my life, my kids, my pets, and my wonderful husband.

I started this blog because sometimes I have random thoughts, I want to share, fears I don't want to share but need to voice, and because sometimes I just want things to be about me.

As a mom, and wife things are most always about my kids and husband. What can I do for them, how are they doing, what are they doing, what can I do to make what they are doing easier. Really the list is endless. Now don't take this as I hate being a mom and wife, because nothing could be further from the truth. I love my kids with all my heart and would died just to make them happy. And my husband is my bestfriend and I would do anything for him to. But sometimes I just need a min to regroup, refocus and remember that before I was a mom and a wife I was just me, and in order to be the best mom and wife I can be I should take some me time.

So this is me, taking my me time.